The Limerence

Peace upon you and good day! Hi guys, i would like to tell that you guys are special to have found this blog of mine. Nobody knows the existence of this blog except me and you guys the reader. I intend to make this blog anonymous so that i can write my mind freely and of course a thousand thank you for those time you are giving for reading my post. I write my experinces and i am glad to share and turn them into something :)

Yesterday,it was so tiring yet fun. Enjoyable. A friend of mine and I went to the Big Bad Wolf book sale at Seri Kembangan yesterday. Books, books everywhere :D and they are super duper cheap! We shared the BB1M and it totally worth it. No regrets. And the most important thing is, i can forget about  a person(?)  a limerent (?) for a while.I dont really like to have a sort of feeling towards someone when i didnt wish to. >:) I found them really disturbing and most of all, i fear that the felling would turn into a pain in future. Hurr.

How to get over it? (It here refer to him actually ;p)

So i'm writting this post to share my opinion on how can i actually put a little strategies to shove off this uninvited condition and act like it is nothing.Hmm,it's hard for me to explain but i hope you guys can understand the situation. Girls especially. This guy is kind and he had teached me for modelling 3d objects several times and we had worked together in a group last two semesters. That is when i started to feel weird. But please, for many reasons i dont think i should be. May Allah ease the path for me.

So what do i do is shopping!! ;p Haha. It is absolute solution for me, i would like to have new stuffs to look and care for. Lol. Sound childish isnt? I bought clothes, stationaries, fiction and non-fiction books and a book of sudoku game. Some of the items were bought using the BB1M. But still, my money, oh i really need to go on a money-diet. But then in other hand, i can spend my time on those books and make myself busy. Yeah way to go! I did shop till i drop!

Apart from that, i bought the 'on-my-own' ring. A common silver ring that i bought as a mark that i dont want to be 'bother' and i would like keep myself in this way for now. Have u heard the old trick about wearing a ring? It is said that, if a women wear a ring they have been officially taken, so no other guys can ask the girl out anymore. In my case, i wear  a ring not because i'm taken but because i like to think that i'm on my own. It is like saying 'do not have any attraction to me and i too would not have any attraction to you' in a wordless way. I shared the purpose of buying that ring with a friend of mine, and unexpectedly, she revealed to me that she had been using the very same trick for the same purpose. Lol.

Besides, i read somewhere that we can get over someone by having crush on someone else. I personally think it's true. But the point is,we are gonna repeat 'love(ish) feeling-hate you feeling- love back for someone else-hate back' cycle. Hehe. It's gonna hurt even more. So for now, i'll just try as good as possible to be confident on what i'm doing without thinking about this matter. Gonna let my world revolve without him around. And tonight chelsea score 6-0 against Arsenal.

Other tips that i find usefull is giving a compliment to anyone or even a stranger. I did it. I met a stranger at the book sale and she has a nice cardigans,really nice with soft material and pastel turqoise colour. I asked her where did she bought the cardigans because it is really nice i  told her. ;) She replied shyly and said thank you for the compliment. Giving a compliment to a stranger somehow give me a positive mood and aura but i dont really know how it's working. Maybe because we talk to a new person and smile is a must. So how about trying to give at least one compliment to anyone everyday?

Crush or limerence?

There are fine line between crush and limerence because both of them is so near to the feelling of love. Limerence is where we feel like super happy if the limerent object give us their attention but at the same time, we would be so painful right in the heart if they did not notice or give us their attention to the extend that we have to massage our chest a little. Been there, done that. As for crush, we'll often think of them in a way that we and our crush end up together at the end of the story. I think mine is limerence, which is another reason why i should not let this feeling have its root deeper within myself. >;)

I wish i could write more. Pheww. Please apologise me for any grammar and spelling mistake; English is my second languange. So that's all for now and i'll write again when the time is right. Goodbye dear readers!

Being Hospitalized

Good evening dear readers.

I am reminiscing on my not so old but hard tough days.Last 5 months before,i remember that i had catched a cold,a mild sore throat and flu.All that last for almost a week before i decided to go to medical centre in my campus near my residential college.I am not the type that can fall sick easily,even if i am sick,i will recover fast,fast and well.Am i an ironwoman? kidding. But not this time.Something was wrong.Apart from that,i'm also having irregular and heavy menstrual cycle,and it's been over a month but i'm still losing my blood non stop.And that's not the first time too,i have experienced that creepy menstrual cycle,but usually it will stop at some point and i will recover fast and well again.But not this time.The symptoms were becoming more obvious.

I have difficulty to retain my energy in which i would likely feel very tired and exaushted even for a short walk.From my college's cafetaria to my room for example,i would stop for about 3 times at 3 different spots just to catch up with my breath and for resting my legs a bit.I would not rush to the classroom from the bus stop even if i'm already damn late,and because of that,i'll usually take the ealier bus to my faculty.The heavy breathing and leg tremble will double their intenseness if i'm climbing stairs or carrying a bag or any other heavy things along.Phewww.so complicated. >:(

So after knowing that Mandarin class had been cancelled that day,i made my way to medical centre.I told the doctor about my sickness and i had to check my blood.I had a low Hb level; around 4 which is completely unacceptable beacuse the normal Hb is about 10-14 if i'm not mistaken. ><. So i was send to the Kajang's Hospital,alone. TT TT

At the emergency ward,omg there were so many people and sort of crowded for that small spaces.Some of them have their skin injured that i can see fresh blood,and there was a school kid who broke her bone because of car accident.More like a hit and run case.I can see the polices were there too at that time,no wonder why it seemed busy and crowded. I feel a bit akward to receive services at the emergency ward because i still can walk properly and i dont even broke any of my bones.In other word,i am well,from the look of my physical state.

There was a time when i had to collect my urine for the urine test.A nurse accompanied me to the toilet.I said that i can walk but she didnt allowed me to and bring a wheelchair for me to sit on,once again this was akward,but..never mind.And she said something that nearly brought me to tears while she was with me.Something like "you have to be strong,you are university student and almost gonna graduate,be strong and dont let other matters get in your way" something like that in Malay.Those words snaped my heart because yes,its true, i really have other matters that i'm worried about and it sort of disturbing my daily mood and spirit and  the thing is,i dont even know what that matters are.I just feel like something's not right and maybe because that semester was a tough one for me.She is a stranger and yet her words are like mother's, and i really need that for the momment.*ugly sobbing* Haha

Ok,after that i was moved into a ward.I got 3 bags of blood,b positive hmm yummy I AM A VAMPIRE! huahuahua. Ok.I wouldnt mind how many bags they wanted to insert into my body but the thing is, the blood tranfussion hurts like hell.not really hell but it hurts TT TT. I will be softly massaging my hand around the neddle point where the blood was going from the tube into my vein for the entire time till the blood from the bag was completely tranfussed into my body.Unless if i fall asleep that i cant feel the pain.One blood transfussion session for one bag of blood will be taking time about 6-7 hours and i'll be massaging my hand for that entire time. Nice. And i had to finsihed 3 bags of blood. There was a time when my hand swelled into an ugly shape around the needle point because of the pain.The doctor said that my veins are small that they faced difficulties to insert a needle properly and i can intensely feel the pain.In fact,there was a doctor who suggest that they should carry out the blood tranfussion through the veins availabe at my feet.At my feet.Thank god they didnt.Oh god why must me having small vein? Nevermind. And there were times too when a doctor inserted a needle into my skins/flesh/veins (?) to collect some of my blood for a test and end up with no blood collected but pain.*cry*. Yes,i cried during that time.

Beside my bed was a chinesse lady in her old age.She had to undergo a sugery for her knee if i'm not mistaken.Her family which was her daugther,husband and maybe her in-laws i presumed,would came every evening visiting her and bringing her foods.I'm alone!. But her family are nice,they talked to me,asking why i'am hospitalized and why didnt i eat yet..hmm. I noticed an old chineese man,maybe it is her husband,he was sort of bellow(?) or his feet must be feeling like numb standing too long beside that aunt's bed so i offered him to sit at the end of my bed.There was not enough chairs provided during visiting hours.Tsk tsk tsk.

During the 3 days and 2 night 'vacation',i realized that i'm not suffering a critical illness as i saw many of the patients suffers more undesirable injuries.May Allah ease for them.I talked to my parents through phone several times.I had my stuff sent by my friends,thanks to aida, jawahir and haz for bringing my stuff eventhough you were working at that time.I appreciate it.

I had to recieve medicines from the pharmacy and it was a lott!! I cant even remember the prescription.seriuosly.Some of them have special 'time rule' for me to consume them but i forgot.nice.But thank god my menstrual cycle is starting to become a normal one.yeah!

I payed the bills on my own and claim them later from my university's management. I took taxi from the hospital to my campus and showed the driver a wrong way. :/ I dont even know the way to my campus,it was an ambulance who took me to the hospital from my campus. So i switched taxi in the middle of the journey and luckily the taxi driver didnt charge me. Thanks to you too.And for all my friends who showed their concerns.May Allah bless all of you.

And by returning to my campus,means i have to complete all the delayed assignment as soon as possible.pheww.The final diagnosis says that i am having symptomatic anemia secondary menorrahgia.It is today that i realised the name of the final diagnosis because the paper that shows my diagnosis had a terrible doctor's handwritting that i can only recognize the first three words.Thanks there are mr goggle.

May Allah ease my business, preserve my spirit and guide me to the right path.I dont want to face those hard times again where i am weak but i cant determine why.

#PrayforMH370

PTA's Proposal

Assalamualaikum and good day guys.May all of you have been well through theese though days.So recently i have been working hard on my PTA Projek Tahun Akhir or my Final Year Project's proposal.So many things to learn yet so little time.Or at least i feel like time is flying fast ><

I decided to carry on the 3 dimensional modelling.I would have to model the object and the the video animation should be embed in the Adobe Flash to create a courseware.That's basically what my project is.The modelling will be about the chemical reaction that i ve learn in my form 4.So i need to refer the text book again for my project.Chemical reaction i'm talking about are from the group 1 chemical,group 17 and inert gases.I love learning chemistry,so why dont i merge my interest into my current studies.

But,a big but,i'm not familiar with 3d modelling.I just installed Blender,and i ve just started learning the basic key.Fuh,it's not an easy job but it's not a crazy job either.I will learn slowly and by the end of this semester when i should submit my project,i would become a good modeller.May Allah ease.InsyaAllah.

Modelling is a task,building a courseware is another task.But i have less worry on this one, because i have used the Flash many times (not that many but many) thus i own some confident over it.Moreover the buttons and interface that will be in the courseware are not that complicated.Speaking about the buttons and interfaces,i should build a storyboard and build my interface roughly on paper as soon as possible.I fear that i may not be able to complete my project before the deadline.May Allah ease.InsyaAllah.

I just submitted my proposal tonight and designing phase should start from now on.And tomorrow which is today,i have a presentation to be prepared for about multimedia data retrieval,or something like that.Wish me luck!

#PrayForMH370